I love Jeff Murdoch

Today in Jeff:
I made a poster for UROP!

Breakdown

Why always with the happy, sad, happy, sad? The flat is quiet. I'm not even in a music mood. I haven't been in a few days. I think I just keep playing it so I don't have to hear my thoughts. Why am I this unhappy? Why am I sobbing? I feel ridiculous. I am sitting here sobbing. I can barely make out the words on the screen. I pray that I am not making a mistake. Or if I am that it's fixable.
I need to be fixed. I've no idea what's wrong with me.
I want to sleep.
I envy the weak people that can kill themselves.

I thought I was on the path to being a ska kid again and instead it forked and I took the emo road.

Thank you

I really needed that. Thank you for making me cry. Makes me wonder who my friends really are. I know you think that I am making a big mistake. I'm not. I'm not going to never go back to school. It is going to happen at another point. I can't see myself never going back. But newsflash: You don't have to be so damn mean about it.

Loves my RaeRae

Rae: I gave up on him...he was kissing all up on me at Festival and I went to one of their rogue parties and he was ALL over me and it was pretty much like 'mission accomplished' I got him to want me and now I'm done.

Wow

So much has changed in the past two days it's ridiculous. Everyone thinks I'm nuts. I think I'm finally going to be happy. I'm not happy. I cry more than I have in a long time. I find myself crying over the dumbest things. It's taken me too long to realise this. I am quitting college, for the time being. I'm not ready for it. I'm not ready for more school. I started talking about how unhappy I was and started thinking about what it was I really wanted to do. The answer was quite obvious once I thought about it; Travel. So travel I shall. I applied at...five websites to be an au pair.
au pair: (ô pâr)
n.

A young foreigner who does domestic work for a family in exchange for room and board and a chance to learn the family's language.

I asked mostly for Germany and France. I put in a request or two for New Zealand, not that I think that'll happen. That'd be too nice.
Within the first half hour of applying at these sites I received two phone calls from au pair agencies in Germany. Both sound very promising. I am excited. The pay isn't bad. About what I'm making now. Free room and board, food and...adventure. Most families say that I would work five days/week. A few of them said that, providing I have a driver's license, I would have use of the family car. Not that I think that I'd need it if I were in a big city. There would be light housework involved, possibly caring for pets and simple meals. Mum doesn't seem too thrilled. Dave is very happy for me. And everyone else thinks that I've lost it and no one understands why I want out so much. Honestly, I'm not sure I know why I want out so much, but I do. I want to see everything I can. I want to tell Nathan. I really wish I could've talked with him last night, but C'est la vie, non?

Wish me luck.