No place to hide

I can feel it. It's starting. Heavy now. It's coming. I don't know what to do. I can't run, I can't hide, it'll find me. It always does.

Random thoughts

I don't think I like my nose. Does it look terrible? I'm beginning to think it does.
I am fighting sleep. Hard. But I want to talk with Nathan.
I should eat something. Enh...it's totally easier to just sit here.
Even if it was a hard day, ska cheers me up.
I've decided that I am going to keep looking for another job, I am tired of the hours at the airport. I am also tired of not having a social life. I guess I shouldn't complain though, not like I'd hang out with a lot more people now than if I were doing nothing. I still know no one.
Save Ferris pwns. Wow. I am done now. Really. No more trying to be hip and trendy.
I want more henna on me. I want it on my hands too.
Can't sleep. Need to stay awake. Maybe if I got some food or something I'd be alright. Yes, I think I'll do that. Fooooooooood.
Having Mehall for two classes is interesting. And dear Lord my English teacher is nuts. He was...shocked by the fact that I don't watch tv. He's very hyper active and wow...can he talk.
I need to wash my face before it gets any worse.
Okay really now, food.
I'm thinking he'll be home soon. *crosses fingers*

Wtf?

We have nothing to eat in this house. What the hell.
Dooood. Nathan in pink funny hat = photoshopping goodness. I just managed to miss him on skype. He probably needed to go to sleep.
Hysteria is an awesome song by Muse. It reminds me of Anaïs like crazy.
I have algebra today. Oh goody. Whatever, I did my homework. I don't have to leave here until about 12.30. I have some time to kill. I am going to cam whore because I haven't done that in forever.
I thought about texting Wes and asking how he is but I don't think that's how it works. I broke things off so if I want to hear from him I have to wait from him, right? Not that I think he was heartbroken or anything. In fact I'm pretty damn sure that he was really okay. If he was upset I think I might've laughed. Okay maybe not laugh, but really find it hard to believe.
I need to eat something. Cereal again I guess.
I hate living in these apartments so much. Everyone seems, and probably is trailor trash. The people upstairs make far too much noise. It never stops, they don't have jobs, or at least that's what it seems like because they stomp around all day. I don't have enough room for my stuff. The washer and dryer suck. I just want to live in a house again. You have no idea how much I want to live in a house again. I think if it were different apartments I'd have less of a problem. I know mom is trying, but it just sucks here. Not to mention living a half an hour further south of where I was before doesn't really help things either.

Ah ja!

Was quite productive at work today. Well, with my own shite. Didn't actually do much work, as usual. I did, however, do all of my algebra, finish that book I found last week, take a 40 minute nap and buy another book. The new one is by Anne Rice. Vittorio. I don't think it'll be as good as the vampire chronicles, but that'd be a lot to expect.
Anton called me at work today. After I had already talked to him. I knew he was at work. It was weird. He doesn't seem much the conversationalist.
So apparently I lost my virginity on August 8th, 2004. I just read an old email. I couldn't've told you that if my life depended on it. I was thinking, providing I get to see Jason this month, about making cupcakes and taking one over to his house and telling him happy one year...or something. We've been...having sex for a year. Lmao. Funny. Even when (dear God this makes me sound terrible) I was having sex with Nathan (Alex) and Wes. Of course he didn't know. And if I'm not mistaken I had sex with Nathan before I slept with Jason. I don't know for sure though, it seems like forever ago. In fact I was just thinking about how Nathan leaving and me being all depressed seems like it was a different life. Not just...*counts* like six months ago. Wow. Six months ago. That's it? Wtf. It has been a very long year. But I feel as though I have matured a lot.
There are so many things I want to say. To everyone. To apologise for being so selfish sometimes. When I get into those stupid fuck the world phases. I want to tell Nathan everything I haven't for fear it's too much. I want to tell him that I would cross the world for him. That he means more to me than I want to admit to myself (as if it didn't show in the way I pester). So much to say and I can't. Lack of...something I guess.
Boys have always been a weakness of mine. I wonder if it'll always be that way. I become smitten with one and would give the world to please. I see the good in everyone. It's quite a problem because I have the potential to fall in love with just about anyone. I've gotten a lot better about it. Nathan told me that I look different. I do believe he said my eyes were different. Jaded, almost.
Jaded:
Verb Inflected forms: jad·ed, jad·ing, jades. Verb
tr. To wear out, as by overuse or overindulgence. Verb
intr. To become weary or spiritless.

I feel as though there is something more important I need to write. Something that I need to say. I am blank.

I hate allergies...

They leave me constantly sniffling. And dear Lord do I sneeze a lot.
It's like German day or something. Richard is speaking German right now and I spoke German with Nate this morn. Craaaazy.
What's up with Rae knowing lots of Marines? She really seriously does seem to know quite a few. Whatever I guess.
I abso-fucking-loutely love Shinedown. They are damn good. I guess Wes did have a little impact on my life. As I've said before I carry something from just about everyone. It seems to be mostly musical tastes.
I still can't believe that I broke things off with Wes only a week ago. Weird.
Please let Nate be home soon. I miss him. Everyone does. Makes me a little sad that there isn't much I can show him. He's seen so much. However I could always show him Vegas. I wonder about Florida. I've always wanted to go to the Florida Renaissance Festival too. It'd probably suck in comparision to MiRF. But if Jim P. keeps up this being a tightwad shite I don't think there'll be much of a faire. KOI's probably leaving. *sigh* And to think I was thinking about joining KOI next year.
Okay I need to get ready for work. I hate my job and didn't get to Applebee's today. I slept for like three hours. Tomorrow. I have no class tomorrow. I need another job soon. I am going to kill myself if I am at the airport much longer.