I miss Nathan. I’d marry him if he wanted to come back to America bad enough. Most of the time I feel all grown up. Sometimes though I get this insignificant shite that makes me realise that I am only eighteen. I do still have my whole life ahead of me. It makes me feel terrible when Nate tells me I’m young. He doesn’t do it often, and most of the time I cannot feel the age gap so much. Today is the day with Wes. Dear Lord it makes me want to be sick. I really don’t want to do this. But I can’t not do it. I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t. If I stay I my soul will die. I talked to Erik a little yesterday. He and I are going to try to hang out and catch up sometime in the near future. He’s still trying to work out a date. He claims Lauren’s nuts and won’t let him hang out with girls without him. Lauren claims he’s the same way about guys and her. I told him that they have major communication problems and really needed to talk. He insisted he’s tried and it goes nowhere. Oliver, this weird guy I met at the airport when I was doing badging, and I are going out for lunch on Sunday. He kept telling me to stay positive. Then he thanked me for being a positive person. Wtf? Whatever I guess. Like I said, he’s weird. I was hesitant on giving him my number because well he’s 33 and married with two kids. I am not attracted to him and really saw no reason he should have my number. But I’ll find out if it was a bad idea on Sunday then, eh? I called and apologised to Jadon yesterday. I feel better. I think I fixed everything I needed to with the downriver kids. I felt shitty for pissing everyone off. I managed to become quite a fuck up with them. I honestly have no idea how I pissed everyone off. Probably just generally being an asshole. Whatever I guess. Things are better now. Carly isn’t with Ricky anymore. I am very proud of her. She deserves better. I’ve told her this. She said she just doesn’t feel the same way she used to about him. I told her I was glad she had realised this. Sometimes you don’t do anything about things like that because you’re so used to it. It becomes a fixture in your life and you cannot imagine things without it. Or in her case, him. He’s a fucker and she needed to not be with him. Joss is back with Jim. I don’t like him, but I keep my mouth shut. If she’s happy, I’m happy for her. Providing he isn’t hurting her, things are fine in my book. I just don’t think Jim is going anywhere. Joss needs more direction and needs to be around people that actually have real ambitions. Jim has passing ambitions; "Wow that dead guy looks awesome, I wanna be a mortician." Etc. Maybe not quite that dumb, but I could be very wrong. I haven’t talked to him in years. And Sarah, well she’s already partying at State. I’m glad I have a job to occupy my time, otherwise I’d miss her more than I already do.